14 November 2021

When I was a kid, I was more fluent in Hindi than in English, since that was the language my parents used to converse with me at home. So I found it difficult to communicate with people during my kindergarten years - but that didn't stop me from trying. I didn't make many friends during those years. I don't know the exact reason why - maybe people just saw me as weird, or maybe I just preferred to be by myself all the time, the latter of which is still true today. I had one friend, though, whom I considered my best friend for months.

Her name was Arabella. We did lots of things together - we played in the sandpit, we played pretend princesses, we read books together. Reading my kindergarten record book, you'll see tons of pages of us playing together. She was the only person I remember playing with often. I never really played with the other kids - my time was more often spent alone, or with the teachers.

Years passed. It's my first year of high school. I see Arabella in the hallways. We never talk, but I still remember her. I asked my new friend at the time to ask her if she remembers me.

She doesn't.

It wasn't that devastating of a news to be honest. But knowing that the only friend you had in kindergarten doesn't even remember your name is kind of disheartening.

I've never kept a friend for more than three-four years. There were a few bullies in kindergarten and my early primary school years. I've heard of friendships lasting for decades, and I wish I could have that.