Wonder and rage

15 August 2022

I talked to O yesterday. Yeah, I can hear you all screaming at me. I didn't talk to him about our breakup though - I was actually asking if he had finished working on the part of his game that he was going to present at the states soon. Well, he hasn't. He shifted his focus to working on someone else's game. And they haven't finished that either. So now he literally has nothing to present and he's just going to be fucking around with his friends for three weeks. I know I'm coming across as salty, but I feel kind of sorry for him. He's put on this facade across all social media account that he's soooo excited to go to the states and meet his friends. When in reality he's just stressed as fuck. Another reason I won't get back with him - he seeks validation from social media a lot, which is unhealthy. And he burns out too much. And he takes on too many projects. And he doesn't know how to pace himself. God, if only I could list off all my flaws as easily as I list off his and he listed off mine.

We had a good conversation nonetheless. I might have overreacted about him being really cruel and whatever, because it doesn't seem like he's holding that much negative feelings about me. He did apologize for the breakup "being so sudden" and he had "hit a breaking point or something and it was a lot all at once". No mention of getting back with me, but he said that he's still there if I ever want to talk to him or if I need a hand with anything. I did ask him another question later that day, and showed him a song, but that was it. I'm keeping my conversations with him to a minimum from now on.

I still wonder why he didn't try to resolve the conflicts in place of going straight to nuke-zone. Yeah, he did say he was really stressed. I wonder if he regrets it. Probably not. In the three days we didn't talk to each other prior to breaking up, he had time to think about it all. I still wish he would have just talked to me instead of making the decision on his own. I'm sad that he thought I was unable to be fixed and he just chose the easy way out. It still feels like I am meaningless to him.

Last night I was thinking about what I would write to him now that I feel the way I do now. I didn't get enough sleep as a result of it. A lot of the anger has subsided, and now it's just depression. It would be a very long message. Maybe I'll make a separate blog post for it.

Anyway, onto the other thing I wanted to talk about today. An hour-ish ago, I arrived at university, and picked up the student magazine. I regret it so much. I don't know what I was thinking. Leftist propaganda, leftist propaganda in every single page. There were articles about Long Covid and how vaccination was "still the way to go guys!" despite it being blatantly obvious the vaccines do not work anymore. And honestly, if you get Covid at this point, that's all on you. As in, you have a weak ass fucking immune system and have poor health. My dad has been exposed to positive Covid cases 3-4 times over the past year and he still hasn't gotten infected. He's counting it on luck - he's just healthier than most.

There was one piece in the magazine that really grinded my gears. It was about the university's healthcare facility providing gender-affirming healthcare. There was just so many things wrong with it. First, the """journalist""", who is non-binary, complains that the contraceptive she was seeking out was being presented to them from a woman-based perspective. They then proceed to state they are female-presenting. Could you really fault the nurse/doctor for assuming they were a woman because, well, they looked like one? Appearance =/= gender, you say. But that leads into a whole conversation about what gender really is and you're not ready for that, because you can't define it yourself.

Then they commented about how easy it was to get HRT, but not easy enough. This is the one that really shocked me. You do not need a psychiatric evaluation to get HRT in this university. The argument for this is that one shouldn't need to "prove" their dysphoria to access this, since dysphoria presents itself in a lot of different ways. My argument against this is, well, it fucking ruins lives. Misdiagnosis is not a thing anymore - if you're trans, you're trans, no questions asked. Hence, gender-affirming healthcare. Also, if you're an average uni student aged 18-25, your brain is still not fully developed yet. Am I saying you might regret transitioning in the future? Yes. There is a possibility. I would not be surprised if in a few years time we get an influx of detransitioners telling their stories and lambasting the healthcare system for not putting in place proper measures to stop this all from happening. It's sad that the healthcare system is supposed to save lives, yet has become a money-maker.

You know, I should probably explain why HRT is so bad. You know... it's still an experiemental drug, right? Especially puberty blockers. The fact that we are giving puberty blockers to children is sickening. There has been 0 adequate research on the side-effects of puberty blockers and other HRT. You are giving yourself drugs that haven't been properly researched, and you may be killing yourself in the process. I encourage you to watch the Matt Walsh documentary "What is a Woman?". If you cannot stomach the entire thing, watch only the bits that talk about puberty blockers. I guarantee you will be enraged by the slimy tactics used by adults and Big Pharma to wreck the next generation for profit.

So this university I'm attending is giving people experimental drugs willy-nilly just because they say they don't like their tits or dick. Great. Mission accomplished. That's not enough for the """journalist""". They go on to say that it is not trans people's responsibility to educate cis people on trans issues.

... How am I supposed to know about trans issues then? Seems like every article written about trans people by trans people need to be thrown in the bin then, since it's not their job to educate me. Actually you know what? I'm going to throw this entire magazine in the bin because several of the articles were written by she/theys, they/thems, and they/he/shes. I guess I'll just be left uneducated then.

I know that I have made a resolution to be less hateful, less irritable, less jugdmental. But when I see people being used like this for profit and power, I cannot help but be angry at what's happening around me. Gay ops are real. They'll turn your fricking child trans and you'll be imprisoned for speaking out about it.

Anyway, nice talk. See you next time.