An Aftermath Message

8 August 2022

I saw today that you wiped our chats on Telegram. This was the nail in the final coffin for me - the coffin being that you have moved on. You don't care anymore. Anything that happened between us? Well, that was just to pass time of course. How foolish was I to think it meant anything more than that!

I feel used. I feel betrayed. I feel like you didn't take our relationship seriously. I know you're probably saying "That's how you made me feel, though," and yes, I know. I am sorry. But I knew that any problems we had in our relationship could have been fixed if we just talked about it. You never did. You kept it all in and let this relationship suffer. I can say with my whole heart that at least I spoke up whenever I felt like you were doing something wrong, and I recognized most of the time when I did something wrong and apologized. I cannot really say the same for you.

You know, just eleven days before our break-up, you were showering me with such appreciation. "You mean the world to me", "you matter to me", "I'm so happy we're together and I'm looking forward to it staying that way." And then all of a sudden, you listed off everything you didn't like about me, and decided we were over. I couldn't comprehend the cognitive dissonance that resulted, because it was as if a switch had flicked in your mind and all memories of us together were erased.

I can't believe I said "I love you" to you. I jumped the gun so fucking fast. Call me an idiot for it, I know. I wish I never said it. I wish I never wrote it. I'm in such distress at how I wasted four months of my life loving you just for you to decide I'm too hard and negative to deal with and for you to leave me in the dust.

The worst thing is that you show no remorse. Okay, maybe remorse is a harsh word to apply to this situation, since you didn't do anything objectively abhorrent. Maybe regret is better. Yeah. You don't regret it. You're happy to have me out of your life, because I've been nothing but miserable to you. I never appreciated you, I dismissed you constantly, I insulted you constantly as a joke, which you didn't like.

You won't look back. Not at all. You're done. While I'm here to pick up the shattered glass.

I'm sorry.

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Talk about cringe! I'll get over this in a few weeks, and then I'll be strong enough to start my journey into becoming a better person. I just need to let out all the good stuff.