Stress and worry

16 May 2022

It genuinely hurts when you see the person you care for the most struggling. O has been wrecked with emotional guilt over the breakup of his ex-girlfriend of six years. They broke up September last year, and he still isn't over it. I don't blame him - we all struggle with grief in different ways. Nor am I jealous that he still somewhat has feelings for her - to love someone for six years and have them cheat on you, well, of course you'll still wonder where it all went wrong. He hasn't received much closure from this. And I think that's what he needs - emotional closure. He needs to meet with her once again to finally settle his feelings once and for all. He did try to do this, albeit in a very stupid way - he wrote a letter to her on Valentine's day and delivered it to her house. Didn't work.

I'm just extremely worried for him. Not only is he still thinking about this almost constantly, he's also overwhelmed with academic stress. He's super busy, and seemingly has no time for a rest. He's recording a band in a studio for an assignment that will determine if he passes/fails this paper, and he also has a different assignment due tomorrow that he hasn't even started. Worse still, the recording assessment was meant to be done with a group, but they all decided to drop out of the paper, leaving O to do it on his own. This is the SECOND time this has happened to him this year, and I just feel really sorry for him.

He went through an extremely rough year last year. Not only did his girlfriend break up with him, but a friend of his committed suicide, his cat died, he failed the IT course he was working on, and he burnt out on a lot of personal projects he had going. I really, really hope this doesn't happen again to him. I do not want to see him burnt out, and I've stated that multiple times to him.

O also really, really needs to see a therapist. After he's done all of these assignments for the week, I'm gonna force him to make an appointment at his university. He has to. I'm so, so scared that something bad is going to happen again. I don't know exactly what - maybe a nervous breakdown again. But I want O to come out of this okay. He's already "failed" multiple times in his life. I want him to succeed. I want him to be happy. I don't want to see him like this - tired, upset, stressed. It wrecks me. It fills me with worry. And I don't know what to do for him other than to get him professional help. It's the best thing for him.

For now, I'm just gonna have to watch what happens. I'll be there for him no matter what, a constant that never changes, a foundation he can rest upon.

Other news. I'm managing without my mum present. I actually do not have to do much apart from cook. And even then, I offload a lot of the work to my grandma. I'm worried today, though, because it's raining, and my dad may come home soon. He'll see that my grandma is making lunch, and he'll get angry that I didn't make it this morning. Oh well. I have a class in 15 mins, so I can't do anything about that now.

There's my stress rant for the day done. Until next time.