Follow my train of thought

31 January 2022

Quick blog post today because I feel like writing. I've just sent in my resignation letter to my manager. It was always going to happen - this was meant to be a summer job only. But my last day of work is a week earlier than I originally planned, because I fucking hated working here. I've learned a lot of valuable customer service skills that will no doubt come into use when I inevitably work in retail again (or hospitality), plus have met some interesting people. But the workload and treatment of workers is, to be honest, too much for us regular wagies.

I start university the day after my last day at work. Technically it's Orientation week, where there aren't any classes and you're just familiarising yourself with the university. There may be preliminary lectures. I don't know, they haven't released the schedule for O-week and it's less than a month away. This uni is a joke, lol. I really did not want to come to this university. But alas, it's the closest one to where I live, and my parents managed to convince me to stay. They said that they'd help me buy a house once I come out the other end, lol. I'm pretty sure they've already forgotten about that deal. It was verbal anyway. Nothing written. Like I have the guts to make them sign a contract, lol.

So yeah, I'm working over the next three days. 7 hour shifts, so cool! At least they're not nine hour shifts like I've been working before. If my manager asks me to work an extra day I'm not taking it. I'm not even making overtime for it. Don't care.

Payday in two days. I think I'll get slightly less than a thousand due to not working as many hours. I don't think my time-and-a-half day will make much of a difference, even though I worked an hour longer than I was supposed to due to my coworker going home sick. So fun.

Now all this is making me think about N. He said he made over a thousand dollars in a week by working 60+ hours. Manual labour too, on top of that. No amount of money can convince me to do that many hours of lifting heavy stuff.

But then again, he was probably lying. He always lies about the most insignificant stuff. Does he really think that if he tells me his real location that I'm gonna fucking fly over to the US and track him down to murder him? Fuck me. I know he's done some shit but you know, he doesn't have to go off on me for believing everything he posts on his Instagram. Literally HOW am I supposed to know better? I'm just trying to be his friend and make conversation. You know, I'm trying to show him that I care for him and listen to him. And all I get in return is him accusing me of being rude and not respecting privacy. N can go fuck himself. He could have said all of that in a nicer manner and I wouldn't have retaliated in the way I did. I was so fucking mad that I just said a lot of mean things to him. He didn't even reply after that, he just blocked me. I honestly thought that our friendship was special and that he really liked me but he really can turn on you with the flick of a switch. He'll be all nice and cute one minute and the next he will yell at you for something you did months ago, and you'll never know what provoked him, because all of a sudden he's cut contact with you everywhere and that's the end of that.

I don't know if I ever want to be friends with N again. This proved to me that he lies too much about irrelevant shit. So what hope do I have of trusting anything that comes out of his mouth? He's also emotionally volatile, and when he's like that you have to be careful about what you say to him. One wrong move and he's out of your life forever. I learned that the hard way.

I'd still have sex with him though. He's hot af. I'm pretty sure he wasn't lying when he said I was sexy. But is it wise to let some crazy dick cum inside you? I don't think so. My pussy has a mind of its own. Crazy shit for me to be saying, seeing as I have never even done the deed yet.

I hope to get a boyfriend soon. I just want someone to cuddle and kiss and fuck. I want to call someone mine. Just all mine. All to myself. No one else's. And in return, I'll be all theirs. I'll do whatever they say. I'll be their obedient... *not-so-good-word*. My conversations with N made me realize how much I need a man for myself. A constant in my life that stays despite everything changing around me. I guess that's why I have a not-so-subtle internet addiction. It's the only thing that stays while everything else is filled with uncertainty. Not fun.

I don't know why so many people are against marriage in this day and age. I'm not talking about shit like people who are disabled and can't get married or their benefits will be slashed. Just people who don't like the concept of getting married. Is it because of the money spent in ceremonies? Just hold a small, intimate ceremony and a big reception afterwards. That's what I plan to do. Indian weddings last three days and are mad expensive. I have 0 intention of spending thousands of dollars on my wedding.

Maybe people just like being miserable nowadays. We seem to revel in it. We're always watching the negative news and digesting everything bad happening in the world. We're always on social media, comparing ourselves to others and revelling in bad habits. The world is about to end, with the cost of living skyrocketing and life getting harder and harder. To think we will probably never be able to retire.

What use is retirement when you're old and crabby anyway? Your joints are all out of wack, there's nothing you can do except sit and read magazines and knit and talk to people. You're supposed to live your life when you're young. Travel the world, meet new people, experience new things. But we're just told to work so we can live a good life later. Why can't we live it now? Money really is evil.

A quick blog post really turned into a very long ramble about many different topics, lmao. Oh well, until next time then.