I think I've fallen in love with my friend again lol. Two nights ago, I remembered that his birthday (we'll call him N) was coming up. This was just before I was about to fall asleep. I started wondering about what I would do for him, because I really wanted to do something special for him. Even if I can't give him a physical gift, I still wanted to do something. And then it hit me - I could write a letter. Not a physical one, just a long message telling him how much I appreciate him. (And maybe a physical one as well if he asks for it :3). I did it before for another person I had a crush on (we'll call him L), so why not make another one for my current crush?
I think it was 11:30pm when I started drafting the letter. I first wrote sentences in no particular order that I wanted to say to N. Then I rearranged them and fitted them so they flowed well. I edited them further, placing footnotes that told me what I needed to add. All of this took me an hour and a half, because I was really taking care to communicate exactly what I wanted to say to him, and in the most appropriate way possible. And I was just filled with absolute love for him. I don't want to say too much in case he remembers this site's existence and visits just to see the mopey shit I've been writing about him.
And then for all of yesterday, even though I was studying for my chemistry exam, even though I was sitting my chemistry exam, I couldn't stop thinking about N and how much I love him. Later that day, I asked him about his birthday (it's on the 13th) and told him I was planning a present. He didn't really say anything. I don't know if he's excited or what. Maybe he just thinks I'll forget about the present. Little does he know, I NEVER forget about anything for the people I love.
I'm also wondering if I should make a music playlist for N. I made one for L and I don't think he seemed to listen to it that often. Also, I put wayyyyyy too many tracks in that playlist. Like 20. And while I did try to curate it to L's tastes, I wasn't happy with it looking back at it months after his birthday.
I'm challenging myself to make a playlist for N with only 8 tracks this time around. But it's not perfect. For starters, there are only two genres of music we have in common: emo-type shit, and 80's Japanese music. The latter I have absolutely no idea if N still listens to (despite it being the reason we know each other in the first place). And N recommended me all the emo/metal shit I listen to. I just don't want the entire playlist to be of The Used, Bring Me the Horizon, A Day to Remember, etc. I want the playlist to have variety. But I'm just not happy with some of the songs, and can't think of any replacements. Oh well. I have like five days to choose the songs. And if I'm not happy with it by then, I still have the option to not give him a playlist at all. I have a different present lined up for him anyway. You're not allowed to know what it is though. ;)
The letter is almost completely finished. It may need a bit of extra editing, but that will be done on the day of N's birthday. I'm chock-a-block with a Physics exam, and three consecutive days of work over the next four days. But once the clock strikes midnight in his timezone, the send button will be pressed!
Sometimes I think about the letter and think it's too cheesy, or maybe my words are too bold. But when I read over it, I feel like N will love it. It just needs a little bit of tweaking for it to be truly perfect for him.
I just want to show my love for N. I showed it once to L and he didn't care. N cares. I know he does.
I want to show him that I care too.